Tuesday, 4 January 2011

The darkness

A friend showed me this translation she did and said it reminded her of me... it's weird coz i don't really know her very well... and i am not really a dark person... too much... but i really felt like i could relate to these beautiful words written, i have always felt a sense of comfort in the darkness.... alone.... it is bylatvian writer Imants Ziedonis... and it is amazing.. read this.

There is nothing easier than to find your way in the darkness. In the daylight you are haunted by doubts. You trust the trails of others. But were the ones who went before you smarter? You can't know that. You believe the traveled paths, but these paths, after a few kilometers turn back - you see everyone has believed it, and everyone has been disappointed. Because it doesn't lead you anywhere.
This is why I walk at night, and nothing is easier than to find your way in the dark. I rely on my feet, my eyes - there is nothing or noone else I can rely on at night. What is the ''day'', it is other people's experience. These paths are other people's experience. But the night is only my experience, and only my road. The darkness is deep and beautiful, and when I rely on myself, I also rely on the darkness, and the darkness relies on me. When I am breaking through the darkness, sometimes a thought comes in my mind, that maybe I am glowing, without knowing it, and somewhere far away somebody can see me as a tiny dot of light. Not God, I am a meterialist, but it could be destiny. and then I think: can it see that I am trying to make my way through the bushes, and right next to me there is a road, made by others? Is it laughing at me? Can it see the ditch I am going to fall into, or maybe I will walk by it right on the edge? Did it make the ditch for me?
And suddenly I am taken over by a power surge, that I am laughing at destiny. Me, the little dot in the darkness, I strain my sens of smell and my vision, and I walk past the ditch. I couldn't possibly fall in it, because it convinces itself like people do in the dark, noone ever convince themselves like this.
The darkness is my vitamins, I am breathing it like oxygen, and it is burning inside of me.
When I walk at night, I feel that the darkness loves me. The branch that scratces my cheek, reminds me that I exist, and the root on which I trip , had recognized me, and greeted me how it can.
If you want to convince yourself, then walk in the dark and don't take anyone with you. You can loose everything in the dark, but not yourself, you can only FIND yourself.
You have your feet with you - your arms - your eyes and ears. The darkness surrounds you - the big and endless darkness. What else do you need?

HAppy New Year xx

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